Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
