Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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