I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
