Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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