She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
