I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
