i think my mom watched the whole time
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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