Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
