margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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