My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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