I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm both gender and math confused
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
