I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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