people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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