And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
