I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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