I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
