Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
