the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
