Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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