This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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