You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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