suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
