If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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