im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it glows. i had to have it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
