I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Still dying that you shit outside
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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