you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
