Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

I proposed and she said yes man.

(1-425): View more from Washington

You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?

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(646): View more from New York

I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me

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(256): View more from Alabama

There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one

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(210): View more from Texas

hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie

(510): View more from California

In my experiences, brownies are better naked.

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