What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
