hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
