and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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