I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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