I just threw up on my dentist
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
