my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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