She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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