it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
