I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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