dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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