3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
