Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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