Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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