By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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