she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
