aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
