I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
