i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
