I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
