You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
