i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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