how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
