I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
do nipples grow back?
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