I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
