The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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