I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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