Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
