i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
