So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
