I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
