I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
