I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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