found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
