her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
vagina is talking i cant
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
