pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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