cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Mom said you looked used
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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