brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
